Utilizador:InProgress/Same-sex attraction/Can the Church welcome gay people while teaching against same-sex relationships?

Some feel that the church's stance on same-sex relationships is harmful to people with same-sex attractions. They argue that a gay person's sexual orientation is innate and immutable, that it is unreasonable to ask them not to seek out homosexual relationships, and that repressing these attractions has a severe negative impact on a person's well-being. They teach that pursuing same-sex relationships is the only way for gay people to be well adjusted, and any teaching to the contrary is damaging to a gay person's well-being.

While it is true that most people have little or no choice over their sexual orientation^[1], it is not true that one's sexual orientation dictates one's sexual behavior, nor one's sexual identity. These three areas are not as highly coordinated as one might think. Studies in the area show significant discrepancies between orientation, behavior and identity. This has lead the American Psychological Association to determine that "Sexual orientation is different from sexual behavior because it refers to feelings and self-concept. Individuals may or may not express their sexual orientation in their behaviors."^[2]

The large discrepancies between sexual orientation, identity and behavior is one of the reasons why it is difficult to get accurate measures on people who deal with homosexuality. While the numbers vary from one study to the next, the numbers consistently show that there are significantly more people with same-sex attractions than those who have had a homosexual experience. That would indicate that the teachings of the church on same-sex relationships is consistent with the practices of a significant number of people with same-sex attractions.

One of the most comprehensive studies in the United States was done by the Social Organization of Sexuality. They found that out of 131 women and 108 men in their survey who self-reported same-sex attraction, only 43 men (40%) and 42 women (32%) had participated in gay sex. ^[3]

In addition to the population that have never had a homosexual experience, there are also people who have stopped or will stop having homosexual relationships, some of whom have also reported that they have no current attraction to the same sex. The study indicated that of the 4.9% of men and 4.1% of women who have ever had a homosexual experience since the age of 18, only 2.7% of men and 1.3% of women had one in the last year. This means that most people who have participated have already stopped. From these, and other findings, the American Psychiatric Association concluded "some people believe that sexual orientation is innate and fixed; however, sexual orientation develops across a person’s lifetime". ^[4]

This might not follow the impression that most people have about gay people. Looking deeper into the survey might indicate why. The same survey found that 96% of women and 87% of men with a homosexual or bisexual identity have had sex with someone of the same sex. This indicates that the sexual behaviors of openly gay people are not reflective of the gay population at large. Because openly gay people are more open about their sexual orientation and behaviors, this has led many people to incorrectly believe that their sexual behaviors are reflective of the larger gay population. This misconception has lead many to believe that gay people either cannot or do not want to live a lifestyle that is consistent with the church's teaching. However, evidence indicates a sizable number already do or will sometime in the future.

Most of the people with same-sex attractions who have not had a homosexual experience also do not identity as gay. Critics argue that it is not healthy for homosexual people to reject a gay identity or suppress their homosexual attractions. They argue that the only way to be well-adjusted is to come out as a gay person. There is a significant movement to try to "out" people who reject a gay identity, and there are massive protests at any organization that seeks to help people with same-sex attractions that do not accept the gay identity.

Because of the massive opposition to people who want to reject a gay identity, a task force set up by the APA investigated the matter. They found that there is no clear harm in denying a gay identity. They found that for some people, a religious identity was stronger than their sexual identity, and instructed counselors not to preclude the goal of celibacy, but to help clients determine their own goals in therapy, and that together with support groups, the therapy can change a client's sexual orientation identity. Dr. Glassgold, the leader of the taskforce, summarized the findings by saying that there has been little research about the long-term effects of rejecting a gay identity, but there is "no clear evidence of harm" and "some people seem to be content with that path."^[5]

Although there is no harm in denying a gay identity, the church does not require gay members to deny their sexual orientation. What is required is members follow the law of chastity. Elder Oaks teaches that sexual orientation is a core element of one's identity, but not the only one.^[6] All members of the church have made a covenant to take upon themselves the name of Christ. For members of the Church, taking upon themselves the name of Christ supersedes all other identities, whether gay or straight.

Obviously there is a strong relationship between being gay and having same-sex relationships. There is also a strong relationship between being straight and having a child out of wedlock, which the church also teaches against. However, it is neither unreasonable nor unhealthy for a gay person to follow the church's law of chastity, just like it is neither unreasonable nor unhealthy for a straight person to follow it. Both homosexuality and heterosexuality are natural variations of human sexuality, but in order to become a saint of the latter-days, one must put off the natural man, and submit to the enticings of the Holy Ghost. (Mosiah 3:18) Latter-day saints are asked to serve God, which precludes serving one's own sexual desires, be it gay or straight. It is a sacrifice for both gay and straight people to put off the natural man and serve God, but Joseph Smith teaches that a religion that does not require the sacrifice of all things cannot produce the faith necessary to achieve eternal life. The promise of the gospel is peace in this life and eternal life in the next, and that is the greatest gift that anyone can receive, whether they be gay or straight.

Same standard for gay and straight Mormons

Some critics argue that while both gay and straight members must obey the church's law of chastity, gay members are discriminated against because they are expected to live a higher standard. They argue that straight members can find companionship and fulfillment through marriage, while gay members cannot because the church does not recognize same-sex marriages.

It is true that having same-sex attractions presents an additional challenge for gay members to find fulfillment in a marriage which straight members do not have to deal with. However, gay people are not the only ones who have a challenge in forming a fulfilling marriage. There are many straight people who have difficulty attracting a suitable spouse, for a variety of reasons. Celibacy is required for all single people, no matter what reason they give for not being able to get married. Both gay and straight people have been able to find joy and happiness in single life.

While same-sex attraction is most definitely an obstacle in creating a fulfilling marriage, it is not a barrier. Fulfillment in marriage is not solely based on sexual attraction, and sexual attraction is not solely based on sexual orientation. If that were the case, every straight man would be attracted to every woman and every straight woman would be attracted to every man. In reality, sexual orientation is only small part in sexual attraction. Many gay people have developed a sexual attraction for a member of the opposite sex and have created a fulfilling marriage with them. Here are some examples:

The church does ask a lot of its gay members, but a lot is asked of straight members as well. The counsel of the church to gay members might seem harsh to those unfamiliar with the counsel given to the membership of the church in general. The follow chart compares some of the counsel given to gay members versus that given to the general membership of the church.

Control feelings

Gay members are asked to learn to overcome their feelings. A similar commandment is given specifically to straight men "Whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart" (Matthew 5:28) To members of the church in general, the church teaches they should "never do anything outside of marriage to arouse the powerful emotions that must be expressed only in marriage". This includes a commandment to "control our thoughts" and "not participate in conversations or activities that arouse sexual feelings, such as passionate kissing, lying with or on top of another person, or touching the private, sacred parts of another person's body, with or without clothing."^[7]

The commandment to control same-sex thoughts and feelings is no different than the commandment to control opposite-sex thoughts and feelings. Mosiah 4:30 reads "if you do not watch yourselves, and your thoughts, and your words, and your deeds... you must perish."

Homosexual problems

When asked about gay people, President Hinckley replied that they have problems. Counsel given to leaders of the church in 1992 defines problems as "homoerotic stuff". Critics of the church argue that by saying that gay people have problems, the church places a stigma on them. Elder Nelson explains that "Every one has problems, even straight people." The church teaches that both gay and straight people have problems. The Bible teaches that "we are all sinners and fall short of the glory of God." Like straight people, gay people also have problems, and depend upon the grace and mercy of Jesus Christ.

Protecting oneself from gay people

homosexual problems/ opposite sex problems controling feelings don't let anyone touch your body masturbation excomunication for homosexuality and fornication

It would be unjust and discriminatory to admonish straight people to live the church's law of chastity, but not gay people. Both gay and straight members alike have born their testimony of the blessings of living the law of chastity, and we would do our gay brothers and sisters a disservice by failing to teach them the great blessings they can receive through living the law of chastity.

The church offers gay people the same thing it offers straight people, an invitation to come to Christ through living the gospel, which brings peace and joy in this life and eternal life in the world to come. God loves all of His children and wants all to have joy in this life and return and live with him again.

Endnotes

1. [note] American Psychiatric Association 2000
2. [note] American Psychological Association Help Center Sexual Orientation and Homosexuality
3. [note] Appropriate Therapeutic Responses to Sexual Orientation
4. [note] Beckstead, A. Lee , "Mormon Clients’ Experiences of Conversion Therapy", The Counseling Psychologist 651–690
5. [note]  The Honor Code and Applications: Live a Chaste and Virtuous Life , Provo, Utah: Brigham Young University off-site .
6. [note]  Aversion Therapy glptq.com off-site
7. [note]  Evergreen International Resources for Individuals
8. [note] AP, The New York Times & Washington Post Style
9. [note]  Hegna K, Larsen CJ. Straightening out the queer? Same-sex experience and attraction among young people in Norway.
10. [note] Hinckley, Gordon B., (1987), Reverence and Morality off-site
11. [note]  1998 What Are People Asking about Us? Gordon B. Hinckley, Official Site of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Retrieved on September 28, 2007.
12. [note] Hinckley, Gordon B. (Nov 1999). Why We Do Some of the Things We Do. Ensign.
13. [note]  (2004), First Presidency Statement on Same-Gender Marriage , Salt Lake City, Utah: LDS Church off-site
14. [note]  (2004), A Conversation with Gordon B. Hinckley, President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints off-site
15. [note] Holland, Jeffrey R., (2007), Helping Those Who Struggle with Same-Gender Attraction off-site
16. [note] Jarvik, Elaine, (2006), LDS to push marriage amendment off-site
17. [note] Kimball, Spencer W., (1964), A Counselling Problem in the Church (transcript) off-site
18. [note] Kimball, Spencer W., (1964), BYU Speeches of the Year off-site
19. [note] Kimball, Spencer W., (1969), The Miracle of Forgiveness Bookcraft
20. [note] Spencer W. Kimball and Mark E. Petersen Hope for Transgressors 1970.
21. [note] Kimball, Spencer W., (1971), New Horizons for Homosexuals LDS Church off-site .
22. [note] Spencer W. Kimball, “President Kimball Speaks Out on Morality,” Ensign, Nov 1980, 94
23. [note]  (1970), Hope for Transgressors LDS Church off-site .
24. [note]  (1992), Understanding and Helping Those Who Have Homosexual Problems: Suggestions for Ecclesiastical Leaders , Salt Lake City, Utah: LDS Church off-site .
25. [note]  (1995), The Family: A Proclamation to the World , Salt Lake City, Utah: LDS Church .
26. [note]  (1998), Church Handbook of Instructions , Salt Lake City, Utah: LDS Church .
27. [note] God Loveth His Children, off-site
28. [note]  Sexual Purity, For the Strength of Youth: Fulfilling Our Duty to God, 26
29. [note] "First Presidency Statement on Same-Gender Marriage," 19 October 2004)
30. [note]  (2007), Gospel Library Gospel Topics , Salt Lake City, Utah: LDS Church .
31. [note]  (2007), Gospel Library Gospel Topics , Salt Lake City, Utah: LDS Church .
32. [note] Laumann, Edward O. , The Social Organization of Sexuality: Sexual Practices in the United States {{{pages}}}
33. [note] The Divine Institution of Marriage
34. [note] Lattin, Don, (1997), Musings of the Main Mormon: Gordon B. Hinckley, "president, prophet, seer and revelator: of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, sits at the top of one of the world's fastest-growing religions off-site
35. [note]  (2004), In Quiet Desperation: Understanding the Challenge of Same-gender Attraction Deseret Book off-site .
36. [note] McBride, Max Ford, (1976), Effect of Visual Stimuli in Electric Aversion Therapy (Dissertation presented to the Department of Psychology of Brigham Young University) , Brigham Young University, Provo, Utah:
37. [note] Predefinição:Cite news
38. [note] Moore, Carrie A., Gay LDS men detail challenges off-site
39. [note]  In Focus: Mormonism in Modern America off-site Every person on this planet has personal challenges. Some have challenges with same-sex attraction, some have problems with opposite-gender attraction that have to be controlled.
40. [note]  1995 Dallin H. Oaks Statement, Official Site of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
41. [note] Wickman, Lance B., (2007), Same-Gender Attraction , Salt Lake City, Utah: LDS Church off-site
42. [note]  Packer Ye Are the Temple of God
43. [note] Packer, Boyd K., (1972), The Message: Why Stay Morally Clean LDS Church off-site .
44. [note] Packer, Boyd K., (1976), To Young Men Only: General Conference Priesthood Session, October 2, 1976 LDS Church off-site .
45. [note] Packer, Boyd K., (1978), To the One: Address given to the Twelve Stake Fireside, Brigham Young University, March 5, 1978 LDS Church off-site .
46. [note] Park, Jason, (1997), Resolving Homosexual Problems: A Guide for LDS Men Century Publishing off-site .
47. [note] D. Michael Quinn, "Prelude to the National 'Defense of Marriage' Campaign: Civil Discrimination Against Feared or Despised Minorities", Dialogue: A Journal of Mormon Thought, 33:3, p. 1-52 (2001)
48. [note] Scott, Richard G., The Atonement Can Secure Your Peace and Happiness off-site .
49. [note] STEPHANIE SIMON A New Therapy on Faith and Sexual Identity : Psychological Association Revises Treatment Guidelines to Allow Counselors to Help Clients Reject Their Same-Sex Attractions
50. [note] Throckmorton, Warren , "Initial empirical and clinical findings concerning the change process for ex-gays", Professional Psychology: Research and Practice 242–248
51. [note] Snow, Lorenzo, {{{title}}} .
52. [note]  Savin-Williams RC, Ream GL. Prevalence and stability of sexual orientation components during adolescence and young adulthood.
53. [note] p. 156, Seligman, Martin E.P., What You Can Change and What You Can't: The Complete Guide to Self Improvement Knopf, 1993; ISBN 0-679-41024-4
54. [note] Predefinição:Cite news
55. [note] Predefinição:Cite news
56. [note] Predefinição:Cite news</ref>
57. [note] A Place in the Kingdom: Spiritual Insights from Latter-day Saints about Same-Sex Attraction.
58. [note] Wichstrøm L, Hegna K. Sexual orientation and suicide attempt: a longitudinal study of the general Norwegian adolescent population.
59. [note]  Yarhouse MA. Same-sex attraction, homosexual orientation, and gay identity: a three-tier distinction for counseling and pastoral care